Depression:You Can’t Just “Get Over It”

darknessdepressionA friend was recently criticized for being depressed. His friend reminded him that he had a great job, a beautiful wife, life was going great and he didn’t have any reason at all to be depressed.  Unfortunately, this is not uncommon.  Those who suffer from depression are often told to “Get over it” or “Suck it up,” or  “It’s all in your head.”

But depression doesn’t work like that.

Imagine that you have a friend who limps. Would you ever dream of saying, “Dude, you have a great job and a beautiful family, you eat right, and sleep well, why do you have to limp all the time?” That seems silly because you understand that while all those things are true, there’s something about your friend’s knee that doesn’t work quite right. Maybe it’s arthritis, or a bone spur, or some degeneration of some kind, but whatever it is, it isn’t quite what it’s supposed to be, it’s painful and so he limps. You get it.

Depression really isn’t that different.

Instead of a knee that doesn’t work quite right, there are chemical reactions in your friend’s brain that don’t work quite right. It could be dopamine, or a bunch of other possibilities, but whatever it is, it isn’t quite the way it’s supposed to be and his brain “limps.”  Maybe even worse, these negative attitudes are so common that people are afraid to get help, or accept a prescription for medication.

That’s depression.

Heck, that describes a host of mental illnesses.

Instead of telling your suffering friends that they should just magically “feel better” why not do the same thing that you’d do for a friend with a limp.  Encourage them to see their doctor, or a specialist who treats those sorts of illnesses.  Often, like knees, brains with a limp can get a little better with treatment and the right medication.

Don’t just complain that your friend is sick.

Be a friend.

Do something to help.

Now do you get it?

2018 – By the Numbers

by-the-numbers

So, how are we doing?

Each fall our church staff and volunteers fill out several forms, with line after line of questions, we also submit quite a few other reports, budgets, lists of nominated and elected officers, and all of this is compiled into our Charge Conference report.  By the middle of January, we report even more numbers, on five or six more forms, for our official “End of Year” report.  Many of these numbers are of not that interesting to the casual observer, but there are a few that are, and some of these are useful in “taking the temperature” of the church and help us to see where we are and in what direction we might be going.  I have a few other numbers that I track monthly and the end of the year is a good time to look at that data as well.

Although we report church membership at both Charge Conference and in the End of Year report, it is difficult to draw too many conclusions from it.  It is difficult, because our membership is more than three times our annual attendance.  And that, in turn means that either we have a great many inactive members (which might be good if we can get them to attend more regularly) or, that we have many people on the membership rolls that shouldn’t be, or both.  In any case, in 2016 membership at Christ Church was 362, in 2017 it was 356, and in 2018 we ended with 323.  In the last year, we lost 18 members to death, 2 to transfer, and 14 were removed simply because we had lost all contact with them.  We did, however, add one member to our rolls through transfer (Hi, Hayley!).   So is declining membership bad?  Maybe, but it’s hard to tell.

I guess the good news (if you can call it that) is that we don’t remove people every year, those who were removed haven’t attended for a long time, and our number of deaths was much larger than usual.  So, although membership “declined” by 33 people, the impact on our congregation, although significant, is not as bad as the numbers might imply.

On the other hand, while our average Sunday attendance was 69 in 2017, it was 71 in June, and by the end of the year had risen to 78.  Similarly, we saw an increase in Sunday school attendance, an increase in the number of people who were giving to the church, and a healthy increase in our stewardship pledges.  Not only that, but we also saw an increase in participation in missions and outreach, an increase in the number of people we served in our community, and a small decrease in our total church expenses.  In short, attendance is increasing, and we’re doing more, with less.

Another measure that is not yet reported to our district or Annual Conference, but is of growing usefulness, is our ability to engage with our community on social media.  For the moment, the only number that I can report to you is our number of Facebook followers.   In the last year, the number of people who have “liked” our Facebook page has increased by 27, from 172 to 199.  That isn’t a lot, but it’s a positive increase and it at least hints at a growing engagement between our church and our community.

I understand I’ve only been here for half a year, but even if I were here longer, I know that I am not solely responsible for any of this.  We are a church and a community, and we work together as a team.  But as I have said before, what I see in our reports, and what I see in these, and other numbers, is good news.  Clearly, we have work to do, but  in many ways we are doing well, or at least doing better.  Digging through the numbers and filling out reports is not anyone’s idea of fun, but I want to thank Dolores, Julie, and all our staff and volunteers that help us do it.

Because, in the end, when I read through our reports, I see every reason to be hopeful, even excited, about the direction that we are going, the future of Christ Church, our ministry here, and our outreach to our community and the world.

Don’t stop doing what you’re doing.

Keep up the good work.

Let’s build on what we have and make 2019 even better.

 

Perspective is Everything

From my Facebook post on New Year’s Eve:

Tonight as we watch the clock count down to the New Year, scientists around the world are watching two spacecraft doing something totally amazing but altogether different.

The New Horizons probe, which just a few years ago took some incredible photographs (and changed planetary science) as it passed Pluto, tonight, just past midnight, passes by Ultima Thule (Ull-tim-a Too-lee), a smallish object (about the size of New York – 20 miles across) in the Kuiper belt. Ultima Thule hadn’t even been discovered when New Horizons launched. Optima Thule is more than 4.1 BILLION miles from earth and a billion miles beyond the orbit of Pluto, so far away that even at the speed of light, radio messages to earth take six HOURS to return to earth. New Horizons is traveling at almost 10 miles per second (32,000 miles per hour) as it speeds by, but the photos and other information that it collects in the next few hours will take more than a year to transmit home. Ultima Thule is the most distant object that humanity has ever been able to study up close.

NASA OSIRIS-RExAnd earlier this evening, NASA’s OSIRIS-REx spacecraft, after a delicate astrophysical dance that lasted for months, has slipped into orbit around asteroid Bennu. While Bennu is “only” 1.2 billion miles away, it has taken OSIRIS-REx over two years to arrive since its launch. But if Ultima Thule is the most distant object we are studying, Bennu, at only 1600 feet wide, is clearly the smallest. And because Bennu is so small, its gravity is similarly weak, making it incredibly difficult to carefully place OSIRIS-REx into orbit. The spacecraft’s orbital speed is only one TENTH of a mile per hour (or five centimeters per second) and it is orbiting only 1.25 miles (2 km) from the center of Bennu. OSIRIS-REx will study Bennu for about a year, and then, around July of 2020, will descend, capture a sample from the surface of Bennu, and return that sample to earth in 2023.

While sometimes the news headlines make us despair for the future of the human race, we often fail to pay attention to those who represent the better part of our nature.

I often wonder what discoveries await us after the return of Jesus Christ when we will have all eternity to explore.

Happy New Year everyone.

 

 


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The Scandal of Christmas

Note: This was originally a Facebook post back in 2014 and I’ve repeated it there occasionally, but I thought that it was also worth sharing here.

 

We’ve made Christmas pretty with twinkly lights, shiny decorations and well dressed characters in the nativity but we forget that Christmas was and is a story of scandal.

A baby born to poor, unmarried parents who were themselves descended from prostitutes, foreigners, adulterers, murders, and the absolute WORST king that Israel had ever had, a man who was describes as more evil than Israel’s enemy the Ammonites.

His birth was announced to shepherds, people at the very bottom of the social order. The rich, the important, and the popular were excluded.

Everything about the story is aimed at reminding us that God uses the weak, the small, the outcasts, the unpopular and the people that others call failures to do his greatest work.

The coming of the the Messiah was not the triumph of the establishment, but an invitation to everyone who has ever felt like they weren’t good enough, or rich enough, or just simply not “enough.”

The scandal of Christmas is that God came to earth to invite us all, regardless of wealth, race, popularity, nationality, or even goodness. He came to redeem and transform us, at his expense, so that we could *all* be invited into his house.

Never forget the scandal of Christmas because it was that very scandal that invited us in to become sons and daughters of God.

Merry Christmas everyone.

 

 

 

 


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Are You Too Busy for Wonder?

shopping-centerWe’re busy.

All of us have calendars full of events that keep us busy, and this is especially true during December as we prepare for the Christmas season.  We have Christmas parties for church, work and social clubs, invitations from friends, open houses, gift exchanges, family get-togethers, and all of that piled on top of our regular schedules for work, school, and church.

It gets to be a lot.  Almost a burden.

Sometimes, for our own sense of peace and sanity, we need to be careful about which invitations we accept.  If we are to appreciate and enjoy the holiday, we need to find some balance and time for quiet reflection.

But amid all this busyness, we might also remember that in some ways, life wasn’t all that different two thousand years ago.  People were busy.  Just living their everyday lives, doing business, working jobs, raising children, growing crops, preparing food, and all sorts of ordinary, mundane tasks filled their schedules.  And their busyness caused almost everyone to completely miss the most amazing thing that ever happened in the history of the entire planet.

In the second chapter of Matthew we hear this story:

After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”

When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:

“‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
    are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
    who will shepherd my people Israel.’”

Despite the predictions and prophecies of the Old Testament prophets, despite thousands of years of expectation, despite generations who prayed for the Messiah’s arrival, despite knowing where the messiah would be born, despite the writings of Daniel that gave a good indication of when the messiah would come, despite a collection of professional theologians and priests who dedicated their lives to the study of these scriptures, still they missed it.

Perhaps it’s because they were too busy.

Certainly, God’s messiah arrived differently than anyone expected.  Who would have imagined that the savior of the world would be born to a couple of poor people from the distant countryside?  Who would have guessed that the official birth announcement would be entrusted to a bunch of sheep herders on a hillside?  Who would have believed that a king would be born in barn or a cave, and put to bed in a feeding trough?

As we hear in Luke chapter 2:

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

It was unexpected.

But how much easier was it to ignore amid the busyness of everyday life?

I know that you have things to do.  I know that you have Christmas cards to write, family to visit, cookies to eat, and gatherings to attend.  But don’t let your busyness cause to make the same mistake that the world made two thousand years ago.  Don’t get so caught up in your activity that you forget to remember the story.  Don’t forget to appreciate the blessings of the unexpected.  Don’t forget to appreciate the coming of the Prince of Peace. 

Our busyness will only make us tired.

Don’t allow your busyness to drown out the wonder of this moment.

Take the time to remember the story.

Take the time to be thankful.

Take the time to appreciate the gift, and the blessings, that we have been given.

Merry Christmas.

 

 

 


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You Do Not Grieve Alone

Reflections for A Celebration of Memories

Saturday, December 01, 2018

Cassaday-Turkle-Christian Funeral and Cremation Service

 

Let’s be honest with each other.  In a perfect world, all of us would have something else to do today.  But it is precisely because this isn’t a perfect world that we’re struggling.  We’re here because someone that means something to us is missing this Christmas.  Four years ago, our family buried my father just before Thanksgiving and this summer we unexpectedly lost my second oldest brother, Dean.  But all of us are here because the world we live in is, obviously, not perfect.  But even in an imperfect world, those of us who are struggling can come together and struggle together.  In a lot of ways, struggling together can be a like a club for lonely people.  When lonely people come together, they become just a little bit less lonely.  Loneliness shared weighs us down just a little bit less.  In the same way, people who grieve together, and share their grief with one another, discover that their burden has grown a little lighter, the room has become a little less dark, and the future filled with just a little more hope.

And so, I’m glad to be here with you, I’m glad that you could be here with me, and I hope that together we can shine some light into a dark corner of our lives. 

I want to share a couple of stories with you this evening.  The first begins with an American hero who served in both WW2 and in the Korean conflict, flying 100 combat missions in six months’ time, and earning the distinguished flying cross and the Air Medal with an oak leaf cluster before eventually becoming a NASA test pilot, Mercury and Gemini astronaut, and was ultimately killed in the Apollo 1 fire during launch testing.  Of course, I’m talking about Gus Grissom, but that’s not the story that I want to focus on.  Instead, I want to think about the widow of Gus Grissom, Betty Moore Grissom.  But the funny thing is, I really can’t tell you a lot about her.  I spent a considerable amount of time searching for information about what Betty did and how she lived after Gus’ death, but other than her obituary and a few comments about Gus’ infidelity, the only thing that anyone seems to remember about Betty is that she raised her two sons, got them through school at  Gus’ alma mater, Perdue University, and that she successfully sued the manufacturer of the capsule that was responsible for the Apollo 1 fire.  It’s quite possible that Betty got stuck but it might just be that she preferred to live her life in private.  From what we know, Betty still raised two sons, kept watch over Gus’ legacy, and did what she could to make sure that people remembered the good that Gus had done.  You see, when someone once asked Betty why she stayed with Gus even though everyone knew he had girlfriends on the side, she basically said, “I knew he loved me most.” 

Just last year, only months before she passed away, Betty made one last trip to the annual memorial for the Apollo 1 astronauts.  You see, after the fire and the ensuing investigation, some of the launch pad was torn down, but much of it was left intact, and officially classified as “Abandoned in place” as a memorial to the three men who died there.  And every year, family, friends, guests, astronauts, NASA officials, and a few others visit the brass marker there, remember the legacy of those men, and honor their lives.

So, what’s my point in all of this?

Even if Betty Grissom got stuck in her grief, she knew two things.  First, although Gus Grissom was human and had flaws, although he was far from perfect, Betty chose to remember the good.  Betty Grissom never focused on the pain, but instead focused on Gus’ legacy, his memory, and on raising two sons that would make him proud.  NASA, as an organization, did something very similar.  Although NASA had disagreements and arguments with both Gus and with Betty, some very public, NASA didn’t focus on that, instead they chose to focus on moving forward into a brighter future while remembering the legacy of the Apollo 1 astronauts and their contributions to the program.

Honestly, this is healthy, and we do this all the time.

We remember that George Washington and Thomas Jefferson owned slaves, we remember that nearly half of the delegates to the first Constitutional Convention were slave owners, and we remember that Winston Churchill was a racist.  But those aren’t the things that we dwell on.  Instead, we choose to remember their legacies and their positive contributions to history.

We honor their lives and remember the good.  We shouldn’t forget that our loved ones were flawed, but we choose to remember the best of them and keep alive the memories of the good that they did, the legacy that they left, and the reasons that we loved them.

Let’s take a break for minute.

Here’s what I want you to do.

Close your eyes and remember.  Remember the people that you’ve lost.  Picture them in your mind.

What did they do, what action did they take, what words did they say, that told you that they loved you?

What did they do that allowed you to experience joy?

What did they do that made you laugh?

What did they do that inspired you, or encouraged you, to become a better person?

If you had 30 seconds to tell me who and what they were, what words would you use?

Remember their love, remember their passion, their forgiveness, their laughter, remember those things that make their memories shine and which make your heart warm.

Scripture tells us that we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses.  Our loved ones are watching and they don’t want us to get stuck.

You can open your eyes now.

But that isn’t all that there is.  There’s another message that we need to remember, and for that I want to tell you the story of Elisabeth Elliot.  Some of you may have heard of her, but the odds are that many of you haven’t.  Back in 1956, Elisabeth Elliot’s husband, Jim, along with five other missionaries, made contact with the Huaorani people in the jungles of eastern Ecuador.  While they had spent months exchanging gifts and building trust between them, at one meeting along the river, tribesmen attacked the five missionaries and killed all five men. 

Elisabeth Elliot was faced with a choice.  She could, along with several of the other widows and their families, take her daughter and return home to the United States or, she could stay and do what she could.  Despite the urgings of her family and many of her friends back home, she chose to stay.  Two years later, Elisabeth and her daughter Valerie moved into the Huaorani village with the same men who had killed her husband and she eventually befriended them.  In 1969 she remarried, in 1974 she became an adjunct professor at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, about the same time, she also worked as a consultant on the project to write the New International Version of the bible, and from 1988 to 2001 she could be heard across the country on her syndicated radio show, “Gateway to Joy.” If that wasn’t enough, in 1957, Elisabeth Elliot wrote a book, “Through Gates of Splendor” about their missionary journey and her husband’s killing, and over the course of her life followed that up by writing more than twenty more books, as well as making book tours and public speaking engagements all over the world until her death in 2015 at the age of 88.

So why am I telling you all this?  Why should we care about the widow of a missionary who died in 1958?

Because Elisabeth Elliot knew something important.

Elisabeth Elliot knew that despite her loss, and despite the trauma that she had suffered, that her work wasn’t finished, that there was more that God intended for her to do with her life.  It wasn’t always easy.  When I heard her radio show, I remember her telling someone who was experiencing grief and loss that during some of the hardest times of her life, when it she didn’t know how she could go on, she remembered a piece of advice that had been given to her.  She remembered to “Do the next thing.”  Don’t stop.  Don’t get stuck.  Do something.  Do the next thing.  In fact, so important was this piece of advice, that Elisabeth Elliot often quoted a poem about it entitled, not surprisingly, “Do The Next Thing.”

 

Do The Next Thing

(a poem quoted by Elisabeth Elliot)

 

At an old English Parsonage down by the sea,

there came in the twilight a message to me.

Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven,

that, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.

And all through the hours the quiet words ring,

like a low inspiration, “Do the next thing.”

Many a questioning, many a fear,

many a doubt hath its quieting here.

Moment by moment, let down from heaven,

time, opportunity, guidance are given.

Fear not tomorrow, child of the King,

trust that with Jesus, do the next thing.

 

Do it immediately, do it with prayer,

Do it reliantly, casting all care.

Do it with reverence, tracing his hand,

Who placed it before thee with earnest command.

Stayed on omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,

Leave all resulting, do the next thing.

 

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,

working or suffering be thy demeanor,

in His dear presence, the rest of His calm,

the light of His countenance, be thy psalm.

Do the next thing.

 

Sometimes, in the midst of our grief, all that we can manage is to… do the next thing, to survive.  But the thing that the life of Elisabeth Elliot should teach every one of us is that as long as we draw breath, our life isn’t over.  Our grief isn’t the end. We cannot get stuck and wallow in our grief. 

Do the next thing. 

And keep on doing the next thing, and the next thing, and the next…

God has plans for you, your family has need of you, your life still has purpose, there are still things for you to do.  Yes, we should honor the memories of the ones that we have lost, but we don’t honor them by getting stuck.  We also need to explore and to discover what’s next.  What does God, what does life, have in store for us?  Regardless of the past, regardless of our grief or our suffering, we hold in our hands the keys to our future and it is never too late to begin writing the next chapter. 

You are the hero of the story that you are writing every day by living your life.  The next chapter of your life has not yet been written.  Don’t you dare write a story about a hero who got stuck and stayed at home and never did anything interesting ever again.  Don’t write a story about a hero who got stuck.  Discover, explore, become who you were made to be tomorrow.  Imagine who you could be, imagine what the hero of your story would do, imagine what your legacy could be, imagine what you would like to be remembered for.  Get out there, travel, explore, write books, tell stories, paint pictures, dance, live life, invest yourself in others, and don’t forget… to love.

Merry Christmas.

 

 


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Rev. John Partridge is the pastor at Christ UMC in Alliance, Ohio.  Duplication of this message is a part of our Media ministry, if you have received a blessing in this way, we would love to hear from you.  Letters and donations in support of the Media ministry or any of our other projects may be sent to Christ United Methodist Church, 470 East Broadway Street, Alliance, Ohio 44601. These messages are available to any interested persons regardless of membership.  You may subscribe to these messages, in print r electronic formats, by writing to the address noted, or by contacting us at secretary@CUMCAlliance.org.  If you have questions, you can ask them in our discussion forum on Facebook (search for Pastor John Online).  These messages can also be found online at https://pastorpartridge.com/.All Scripture references are from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.

An Advent Invitation

advent-candles

We are, once again, entering the Advent Season.  Advent literally means the arrival of someone, or something, of great importance, but for us it is more than just marking the calendar to make note of his arrival.  We all know that our celebration of Jesus’ birth is on December 25th, but still, we deliberately set aside four weeks, and four Sundays, prior to that for special recognition and celebration?

But why?

We set aside time, because we are creatures of habit.  We get in ruts, we get stuck in our routines and habits, and we tend to live every week in the same pattern as the last.  If we allow ourselves to do that at Christmas, then Jesus’ birthday will get overrun with the busyness of the ordinary and ordinary is the one thing that it should never become.

Instead, we set aside Advent as a season of preparation just as we set aside Lent as a season to prepare for Easter.  For four weeks, we remember and reflect on the many aspects of the Christmas story.  We remember the shepherds and the angels, Mary and Joseph, Elizabeth and Zechariah, Anna and Simeon, and finally, the arrival of Jesus.  Each of the characters of the Christmas story have something to tell us and we can be shaped by God as we learn from them.

I hope that you will join us on this journey of preparation.  Oh sure, you can just pop in on Christmas Eve and feel as if you’ve worshipped, but then you’ll have missed the greater message.  You could save a lot of time if you only watched the last ten minutes of Star Wars or Casablanca or Gone with the Wind.  But while only watching the climax of the story may inform you how the story ends, it doesn’t carry you along on the journey, it doesn’t inspire, it doesn’t stir your emotions or let you feel the passion of the story.

To say that you have experienced these films and been changed or shaped by them, you need to watch the whole thing, often more than once.  We watch them, and we imagine ourselves as a part of the story.  We take the time to put ourselves in the place of the characters and imagine what it would be like to live through the story as they did.  Good movies, and good books, do all those things to us and this is the story that surpasses them all.  This is the greatest story ever told.

And so, I invite you to join us on an Advent journey as we prepare our hearts for the arrival of the King of kings.  I hope that, if you can, you will commit yourselves to worshipping with us, not just on Christmas Eve, but every week during this sacred season of preparation.  Allow yourself to be drawn into the story, to experience its drama, its emotions, and its passion.  I promise that if you do, you will experience a Christmas Eve, and a Christmas, that will be more deeply meaningful, more passionate, more life-changing, than you will ever find possible by simply skipping to the end of the story.

Won’t you join us on this amazing journey?

Blessings,

Pastor John